Say something about gay babies.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
