I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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