found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Randomize
