I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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