tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
