I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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