Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
