I hate your face
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
