Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
