I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
