Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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