yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
