We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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