I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
