So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
