it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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