you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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