dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
