I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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