Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
