I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
