Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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