Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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