he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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