Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
