i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
