I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My feet surprised me
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
