how can u be prego again
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
