I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
