my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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