how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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