I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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