This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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