It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
