Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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