Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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