sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
