You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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