Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
