Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
