my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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