she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
