So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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