How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
