That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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