you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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