Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
