I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
