Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
