I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
