I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
