.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
